Blac Chyna And Rob Kardashian Are Engaged, But Is It In The Stars?

Susan Miller, who regularly incorporates advice like "call your agent" and "reschedule that audition" into her widely read astrological predictions, is Hollywood's interpreter of the stars for the stars. Which I bring up because last night Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian got engaged. There was a giant rock and lots of social media engagement, but was there cosmic approval? Let's investigate.

Oddly, for the watery, feminine, fecund (yet deeply unsexy) Pisces of the worlds, like Rob Kardashian, April is not a particularly loved up month. Susan Miller opens with "This month you will be thinking quite bit about money," and continues to hammer home the importance of focusing on professional success, even going so far as to "advise you [Rob Kardashian] to hold off on important launches or new relationships if you can do so.

If we were to cynically assume that Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian's engagement was immediately, if not concurrently, followed by a call to a C-suite executive at E!, Miller's prediction that on April 5, you [Rob Kardashian] will "have a superb day to have a career talk with a VIP" rings true. If we're even more cynical, that career talk could, potentially, be the proposal itself.

Susan Miller is, for one, focusing heavily on her own career trajectory this month. Embedded in Rob's prediction is an example from Miller's own life (a rare personal wisdom from a well-established guru), that explains why she waited until Mars was not in retrograde to bring her app to market. She draws parallels and meaning from the fact that it can be tried for one month for $4.99 or three for $12.99, and helpfully mentions its availability on iPhone, Android, Apple Watch, and the Samsung Galaxy.

Really makes a pisces think.

Now, Blac Chyna is a Taurus (like noted philosopher and author of The Subjection of Women John Stuart Mill, like famous boxers Sugar Ray Robinson and Sugar Ray Leonard, and like this author), which means she's having an uncharacteristically low-key month. (This, Miller points out, is because there are four heavenly bodies crowded into her twelfth sector of privacy, and she needs rest!)

Despite its supposed low-keyness, April is chock-full of ~romance~ milestones for Taureans. April 12: "warm and sexy vibration," April 18: "if you are serious about your partner, create long-range plans," April 22: "Cupid and his little fleet of angels will be working hard for you."

While Rob was a bit too quick on the uptake, Susan Miller would wholeheartedly approve of Blac Chyna accepting Rob Kardashian's invitation to share his home and life in matrimonial bliss. (P.S.: If you have elective surgery scheduled for this month, cancel it. Wait until July.

So far, we've got a glistening emerald green light from Blac Chyna's realm of the cosmos, and a very 2016, very Kardashian sure-why-not from Rob's sphere. So there's just one last question: what are the odds they'll achieve eternal happiness, even after they shuffle off this mortal coil?

Um, well, maybe not: Susan Miller says Blac Chyna is materialistic and very sexual (but her sexuality isn't always spiritual like Rob's, y'know? It's not always making love, but luv l-u-v). Since Pisces [Rob] are "offended" by casual sex and find that it "snuffs out your spiritual ardor," this is problematic!

But fear not, what matters most is that they're both stubborn af. Or as Miller writes, "Taurus will remain loyal, steadfast, reliable, and true blue. As a Pisces, this may be the one quality you value over all others."

Happily ever after, you crazy, star-crossed kids!