How I Live: Antwon Hates Dating

Antwon doesn't know when it became cool to disconnect. "Meeting people is hard cause people are shitty," he tells me over the phone from Los Angeles, where he lives in a house with eight of his close friends, including Lee Spielman from Trash Talk. Antwon only moved down to Los Angeles from San Jose last year, but he's known his crew for a lot longer, mostly from the hardcore shows he started frequenting at age 15. It's not that he doesn't want to meet new people, he just can't stand people's lack of communication, which he equates with a kind of dishonesty. It's a semi-heartbreaking insight you maybe wouldn't expect: in his "Don't Care" video, for instance, he frolics with leggy blonde models in a giant mansion, living out a decadent, hedonist fantasy. But the Antwon in that video isn't acting, just like the Antwon who earnestly bemoans our generation's disengagement isn't, either. "I like to talk about all things," he says about his music. "It's not real to me if I'm just talking about one thing. I feel like a multi-faceted person. I just feel differently on different occasions." Here, he tells us how he lives.

Antwon: "I was doing graffiti for a while in the Bay Area. I wrote "Twon." But I was friends with this dude that the police had on their radar, and they were just waiting for him to do something. I got locked up for six months, since I didn't have a strike. I actually just recently got off probation after six years. I got off pretty good. After I got caught, I was pretty straight-laced. I didn't want to party as much and I didn't really want to hang out with the same kind of people. I just wanted to do something for myself, so I started painting and taking pictures. I took a lot of pictures because it was really accessible: I can get cameras for really cheap, and I just would steal film. I was stealing to feed my creativity. I couldn't afford to buy paint or paintbrushes or stuff like that. But I haven't painted since I made Fantasy Beds."

"My merch pieces are mostly collaborations, but I come up with the concepts. I imagine it and then it comes to life, I guess. I feel like it's a part of my identity as an artist cause I pick things I want. Other people's merch is tight, but usually when I try to do something I try to do something that's original. But I'm into a lot of metal long-sleeves and The Smiths stuff—stuff you'd see at a smoke shop or something. I've been stoked about band shirts since I was a kid. I [also] design [non-merch] with my friends, Nature World."

"In the morning, I check my phone, eat food, and drink a little coffee. I live with, like, eight other people, including Lee from Trash Talk. It's cool cause we have a really big house that's good for having barbecues and shit. People come over a lot for parties. It's pretty fun. Most people [who listen to my music] probably think I'm a sex freak or a maniac, or thing I'm crazy and not nice. A lot of people are like, 'It's so crazy that you just hang out and stuff.' It's like, what else would I do? I don't like to go out and make friends because some people are weird, people are shitty. I feel like it's not really worth it anymore."

"Dating is horrible. I just broke up with this girl I had been dating for a whole year. I never want to date anyone other than the person I just broke up with. It's just hard. It's kind of scary and people are kind of shitty to each other. Communication is really bad. I'm not a great communicator, but I'm gonna communicate if I care enough to be with someone. I feel like a lot of people aren't honest about how they feel and what they want to do. A lot of people who are hurt and afraid don't want to talk about things, so maybe they just want to hurt someone else. I feel like it's better for a person to hear the truth so that you can evolve and grow as a person. It's kind of scary to hear what someone actually wants, but you have to. If you can't be that person then you can't be that person. I don't know when that became cool to not do that. It's really fucked up."