London-based singer-songwriter Leo Kalyan goes on a multilayered journey through his personal history in the video for “Fucked Up," premiering today on The FADER. Directed by Anthony Sylvester, the video finds Kalyan carrying the figurative burden of being himself, in a suitcase. In a delicate voice, Kalyan illuminates navigating his sexual identity and religion, and the way this has impacted other people in his life. He struggles with not being able to meet the desires of a lover, Darling if you'd rather a happily ever after, don't you see? That ain't me. Home videos from his childhood are interspersed between shots of Kalyan trekking the English countryside and stark seaside cliffs, to reach the point where he can finally let his baggage go. Inverted colors, sped up sequences, and undulating video effects match the video's themes to the urgent emotional nature of the song.
In an email to The FADER Kalyan delves deeper, writing, "It's a song about falling short of people’s expectations. I grew up Muslim between London and Lahore, but now, as a gay person living the life of an artist in East London, I’m constantly aware of the toll being myself takes on me and my family and my relationships. Sometimes I feel fucked up for what I put them through. I imagine other people feel the same way sometimes too. The song is about confronting that, and releasing yourself from your baggage." Take the journey with him and watch the video above. Leo Kalyan's new EP comes out October 28 on GODMODE.