SKAM Austin recap: Let’s party

Before we get this recap on the road, I’d like to take a moment and raise my glass to SKAM Austin for one of the many things it gets right about the American adolescent experience: these kids spend a lot of time in cars. When you’re 16 and get your license, any car becomes a roving hang-out-mobile, a haven where you don’t have to spend any money and your parents can’t tell you that you’re being too loud. This week’s episode had all kinds of car action. We got a truck bed hang out, the all-important We’re Headed To A Party drive, and, of course, a make out session in the front seat of a parked car. Oftentimes when I was a teenager I would spend hours driving around with my friends on a Friday night, someone asking every 20 minutes, “OK, but where should we actually go?” The question was always met with an indifference; why would we go anywhere when we already had my mom’s RAV-4 all to ourselves? I’m glad to see a TV show that understands that.

Ok, so here’s what’s up. Marlon is still a punk-ass idiot. His parents don’t appreciate his music, and he’s complaining about it to Megan while they lay in the bed of his pickup truck. Megan is supportive of his whining because she is sweet and doesn’t realize what a dolt her boyfriend is. Two seconds later, she tells him that she’s starting a new dance team and Marlon is condescending as hell, asking, “Really… don’t you need the principal’s permission?” When Megan tries to compare dancing to music as an art form, Marlon says that they aren’t really the same thing. God, everything Marlon says sounds like that scene from Boyhood where Mason tries to explain why Facebook is bad. Anyway, Marlon gets a text from Tyler that their band got a gig. I wonder if this will come back in a meaningful way (it will!).

At school on Monday, Megan gets a text from her mom asking her why her gym bag is at home if she has dance practice after school. Her parents don’t know that she quit and they still think she’s friends with Abby. Yikes. Megan lies to cover her ass. Another teenage rite of passage the show gets right: lying to your parents via text message.

Megan meets up with her new pals to discuss the meeting they had on Friday, the one where Zoya said they all had to hook up with the football boys. Kelsey is not into it, at least not until Hot Boy Jo walks by on his way to football practice and says hi to Megan. You see, Hot Boy Jo is best friends with Daniel, “the most gorgeous human specimen in all of Central Texas,” according to Kelsey. What happens next is a wonderful moment of teen girl horniness. The girls look over to the football field to ogle Daniel as he walks through a crowd of boys doing drills. He stretches, does some push-ups, and squirts water on his face, all in beautiful slow motion. Target acquired.

Zoya forces Megan to follow “Penetrator Jo” (a nickname that refers to the cool older boys in the original Norwegian version of the show) on Instagram and then likes a bunch of his pictures for her. Is that a thing? Is that how I should be flirting? I feel like that’s kind of psychotic, but then again I smoked weed out of plastic bottles when I was a teenager so I really can’t judge.

The next clip was pretty Marlon-centric so I’m gonna breeze through it. Shay, Tyler, and Marlon are arguing about who should pay for pizza and Shay lets it slip that Marlon is rich, which is apparently some kind of secret. Someone in the SKAM Austin Facebook group posited that he’s selling Adderall, which I have wholeheartedly decided to believe based on nothing. Hot Boy Jo DMs Megan during this hang out, and they exchange some flirty messages. Everyone is rude about Megan’s new dance team again, further proof that Megan should fully pivot to her new friend group.

Hot Boy Jo invites Megan to a football party and tells her to bring hot friends, so obviously she invites her squad. Kelsey starts freaking out about whether or not they should bring booze. Zoya, a font of sage wisdom, tells her that cool people can smell fear, which is overall good advice.

On Friday night, the girls all pile into Zoya’s giant Jeep to head to the party. Kelsey sticks her hand out the window and feels the breeze, which is how you know they’re all young and wild and free. As soon as they walk up to the party (another great use of slo-mo) someone is puking on the lawn and some boys are smoking weed on the patio. Clearly, it’s lit.

Kelsey locks eyes with Daniel and she’s off to the races. Zoya finds a cute boy for Jo to flirt with, and Megan and Grace decide to stick by each other’s sides. Cue the party montage: Hot Boy Jo gets hoisted in the air, people jump into a pool with their clothes on, Kelsey touches William’s chest, Hot Boy Jo makes some hot eye contact with Megan.

Grace goes to the bathroom, leaving Megan unattended and available to Hot Boy Jo’s advances. Of course, Hot Boy Jo pulls up at the exact moment Marlon messages Megan asking when she’s gonna get to his concert. Remember when I said the concert was gonna come back? It’s here, babydolls, and it is creating problems.

Megan ignores the messages to talk to Hot Boy Jo. When he asks her why she quit the dance team she parrots back Marlon’s line about conservatism in sports and Hot Boy Jo thinks it’s funny. He then tells her that he thinks funny girls are sexy. The ethics of me, an adult, yelling “Make out with him!!!” at a fake teenager are wary at best, but here we are. Alas, right as it’s about to happen, Zoya throws a bowl of salsa on Abby’s white shirt and gets kicked out of the party with the girls close behind. Zoya becomes a hero in .2 seconds.

Jo stops making out with some tall doofus and Kelsey gets retrieved from the car where she’s making out with Daniel. Everyone hops in the Jeep to go home. All in all, a successful night for everyone.

- The running gag of Jo failing miserably at giving Kelsey beauty treatments is so funny to me. The too-dark eyebrows in this episode were a real #tbt to when everyone I knew tried plucking their brows for the first time and went way too skinny. At least Kelsey could fix hers.
- All the separate reaction shots to Daniel being hot at practice were gold. Put Grace’s eye roll in the hall of fame.
- I’m so ready for the side characters on this show to get their own plotlines. I need Jo and Zoya to get their moments in the sun ASAP.
- Speaking of Jo, that bit where she and the tall boy she’s trying to hook up with are looking for a third person for their threesome so they can achieve world peace was a chef’s kiss. “Anyone in a cult?” Perfection.